How much money have you saved since Online poker got shut down?
I transferred my last $80 on FTP to Angel to bet on black at the casino. He informed me that I lost. So, I would have naturally deposited another $50 and in turn, ran that up to around $55, then lost it all. Then I would have reloaded again. I would guess since Friday, I have saved around $450. But, since I don’t have online poker anymore, i am extremely bored and have since spent over $1500 on various illegal endeavors.

Those intruders in their homes have names? Some call them Kids, and others call them Mom/Dad/Honey…
Honestly I am scared to death about what this question means and wonder how much meth the interviewer has inhaled to come up with such a psycho question. I live with my girlfriend Kelly and I have not seen any intruders in my home.

When they stepped outside did the sun melt off their skin? Did they get the vampire effect?
Again, another scary question that makes about as much sense as a gaggle of coked up geese selling cookies to gimps.

Is their ability to make money playing online poker myopia equal to lets say Charlie Sheen thinking he’s normal?
I don’t know what myopia means and I’m too fucking lazy to google it. Charlie Sheen has Goddesses, cocaine, no teeth and millions of dollars. I have Kelly, teeth and tens of dollars. You tell me.

Why is chicke nmeth so addictive, especially among online poker players?
A bit of history, Chicken meth was introduced in Arkansas by Jeremy Allen. It’s a combination of meth, chicken shit and feathers. It gives one the ability to 5bet shove 73o into AA and see a 773 flop. Or at least that’s what chicken meth benders will trick your mind into seeing.

On the evolutionary poker scale, where would you place IBGPN?
I would place him at the bottom of the scale. Somewhere between a single celled organism and tadpole. While he can swim with the sharks, he’s often overlooked as his bank roll rarely goes above the $1 mark. His most frequent sightings have the word (OBSERVER) after his name.

I just had a cup of tea and a grilled cheese sandwich. Comments?
You must be gay or British.

What is the background on your twitter name, GI Joe Valdez? Big into kids and toys? Was Snake Eyes the coolest “Joe”? Why not the nickname, El Burro?
I was in the Army for 8 years and was pretty crazy. One time one of the older guys said “slow your roll gijoe and take it easy” and it stuck since then some called me gijoe. After I got out of the Army I created an email with that name. Nothing glorious about it but it has stuck. Now most people that don’t know my real name call me Joe.

Why did you start the OPT?
Other players and I used to be a part of another online poker team but they were jerks when it came time to play. If you lost they were all over you, and put a lot of pressure for you to finish out your allotment. Talked to a couple of other unhappy players and they suggested I start my own. I did and took it from there. I made it a lot of fun to be a part of this team with zero drama and been very lucky so far.

Has this endeavor been profitable?
The OPT: Yes, when we first started The OPT share were sold at $5 each. Now they are close to $6, and when we started I begged players to join we now have a waiting list and its not as easy to get in.
Full time poker pro: I’m on day 3 and if I continue min cashing in this fashion I will be broke sooner then 2 weeks.

What are your plans if you do not find a job when your bankroll runs out next week?
I been lucky to have made a lot of final tables in my online poker career so I paid close attention to all the rail beggars. Noted all their sappy questions and how they get players to ship them money. Its better then standing by the freeway with a sign. I can beg from home. Just open up a final table and go to work.

If you were a “pro” who would you like to sponsor you?
Some whale that doesn’t care if they lose money. Mike Matusow is probably the biggest candidate. I’ve seen him stake some really bad players in the Main event so I figured I can’t do any worse.

What is the square root of 9?
There is a square in 9? Had to Google that. 3 it says.

What is your favorite poker game? Cash/tourney? The most you have ever won and lost?
Favorite game are Super Turbos MTT, 2nd favorite are Rush games, 3rd are deepstack/double stack MTT’s. I don’t play cash games at all, but when I have I’ve done pretty well. The most I have won in an MTT has been $3300 on Pokerstars, and $2200 several times on Fulltilt. The most I’ve lost in an MTT online was $110 and in cash game $77 I think. Live game I spent $125 to play a sat which I won. That gave me $1100 to play a wsopc event. I didn’t cash so that sucked. I’m a bankroll nit so…

Noob

Was it a good or bad decision, on my part, to allow Street3 into this interview? Explain this.
Its always good to let Street3 into any conversation with you. He will make you look good. You could be picking your nose live on TV and no one will notice anything but his big forehead. See attached pic… space is available for advertisement on his forehead so he says…

Check/Call or Bet/Fold? Why?
Both.
Check/call: when using pot control. If you have top pair and weak kicker or fear other player flopped bigger hand.
Bet/fold: is what I use when in agro mode and I use it vs any number of opponents. You get so much information by throwing out a bet. At best they all fold or 1 calls the rest fold, and at worse case scenario they all fold and 1 re-raises you, or they all call.

What piece of advice would you give a first time online poker player?
Don’t get started. QUIT! Turn around and go play checkers. But if he really doesn’t like that advice I suggest getting some proper training or a solid coach, read up on the game, have a nice bankroll to back you up, set your priorities, and stick to a routine. I’ve seen a lot of players go on tilt in poker but it doesn’t stop there. Usually that carries across there other parts of their life and they crash and burn. There are a lot of stories on the news about gamblers robbing some casino, held up another player, or held up a bank or convenience store. If you aren’t patient in life you will definitely not succeed in poker. While this game skill has 70% of chance the other 30% is lady luck’s doing and she’s a cold hart bitch. If you aren’t ready for the losses or can’t handle it then don’t get started. This game is filled with skilled and solid players, and it takes time for a noob to get there. This game can be a lot of fun just don’t let it get you down.

Rumors about Meehan being the father of Carse began swirling in a drunken day at Binions, Las Vegas in April 2003, at the 34th World Series of Poker. In the $2,000 No Limit Hold’em event, Meehan made a final table, en route to winning a bracelet. Kathy Liebert, who finished 9th in that event, was also on hand for the NAPT – Los Angeles during day 2 of the NAPT, and was intimately familiar with Meehan and his drinking. “He’s not as bad as he used to be,” says Liebert at the NAPT. “He’s had some other stories, but I’ll say that he’s not as bad as he used to be.”

While Liebert did not go on to say that Meehan did in fact sire Carse, it can only be intimated that from the “dqunk Sonny” comment, that Meehan was confirming his fatherhood of the often “dqunk” Street 3. At this moment, Steven Carse was unavailable for comment, and Jim Meehan was passed out.

Several witnesses observed “Street3” (aka Steve Carse, aka “Isildur1”) last Wednesday, entering the FTC Oklahoma facility located on the western edge of Will Rogers World Airport, just 3 miles west of Interstate 44 and 4 miles south of Interstate 40. “Apparently Mr. Carse was “visiting” an inmate for a routine conjugal visit” says FTC guard George “Pee Wee” Herman. “When strange noises arose from the visitation, secret cameras and microphones were used to ascertain the entirety of the conversation (as well as to be used for the enjoyment of us other guards).”

While the videos were too graphic in nature to release to the general public, transcripts from the “conversations” were made public, and his “dealings” with his Swiss counterpart were revealed. “The two men were speaking about the best ways to win money, and Mr. Carse indicated that he had a poker account that had more money in it than Michael Mizrachi had won at the this year’s World Series of Poker” says Herman. “The swiss dude said that he played his cards a lot more like Fillipo Candio did, and that if he was gonna drop all of his money to some “Cheeseburger guy” then he should use his address.”

While it’s still unclear what Herman’s message exactly means, the inferences that came from the audio were unmistakable. “The trouble is, we don’t know what agency is the appropriate agency to handle this particular incident” says Herman. “We’re not sure if this is a crime against the U.S., the State of Oklahoma, or if it’s really just a fun time that us guards got a good giggle out of.”

Charges have yet to be filed, however it seems that it is only a matter of time before the criminals will be arrested. Mr. Carse was unavailable for comment.

In a much publicized twitter posting, Mr. Manning’s decision was direct, swift, and immediate.

That is the first order of business. Happy 2 year anniversary Carse, Happy Birthday Too, You’re Fired!
- Geoff Manning, October 20th, 2010

With the tour looking to clean up their image and become visibly professional, Mr. Carse’s antics, asinine comments, and general bullshit, on and off the poker tables were too much. The suspension comes off a one year probationary period that Mr. Carse served for threatening a Twitter Poker Tour official (see Player Fined For Threatening Twitter Poker Tour Official) in December 2008 as well as unruly behavior (see Graham Beasley Frustrated with Twitter Poker Tours Bad Boy) that same month.

Mr. Carse, a well known University of Oklahoma alumnus and booster, was not available for comment concerning his suspension.

Card carrying tour members were generally enthused with Mr. Manning’s decision and have supported his decision on the Twitter Poker Tour forum and through the tour’s twitter account.

This sob has two options. He can abide by the rules and regulations of the TPT. Or he can abide by the rules and regulations of the TPT after I abide this Louisville Slugger to his head. The choice is his.

Yesterday’s comments by TPT Press Spokesman, The_Gov, were meant to move past the issues of the previous week’s tour.

I would like to allay all qualms of this evening’s event by saying that Street3 promises to behave accordingly.

But alas, the comments did not have the desired effect.

Speaking at another press event, The_Gov proposed that Street3 go through a bioidentical hormone replacement. This preventive medical approach or hormone therapy helps put an end to suffering and effects caused by stress induced adrenal fatigue and andropause (the male menopause), which physicians of the TPT might be the issue. By using natural hormones, Street3 could be a less stressed player at the table.

• Bad Beat Clothing is now the sponsor of the Twitter Poker Tour! Free t-shirts abound in this week’s event (see below). Would you like to know more about these fine gentleman, then you can read up on them here.
• Graham Beasley, President of the Twitter Poker Tour, appointed The_Gov, TPT Press Spokesman. No squirrels were injured in this decision.
• Street3 continues to shove his extremist views down people’s throats. A tiring charade to say the least.
• Tourneyblog is allowed to interview PokerPlasm…a first!
• Shocking photos of Irish Poker Giant, CPRPoker, at a local AA meeting!
• Complete details on why we tired of dealing with the following four individuals; JPYoung, IBGPN, FFCowboy76, and 72Suited.

It is a Thursday and you all know what that means. The Twitter Poker Tour is here and tonight, Event #4 fires up.

Upcoming TPT:Tilt Event Information
Poker Site: Full Tilt Poker
Tournament Name: Twitter Poker #4
Buyin: $5+.50
Game: Holdem
Limit: No Limit
Password: rickroll
Date: 12/11/08
Time: 9:00 PM Eastern
Directions: In Full Tilt Poker, click Tournaments, then the Private Tab. Scroll down to Dec 11 21:00 and find the tournament. Click and register.
Bonus: CPRPoker
EXTRA: TPT Sponsor, Bad Beat Clothing, will give a t-shirt to the winner, as well as, the worst bad beat at this event!

Remember, if you have any questions relating to the tour, there are a few ways to you can get the answers.

• Contact the tour directly.
• Use the the hashtag, #tpt on twitter, and the loyal following will answer your question.
• Finally, depending on the which week the tour is playing at, you can contact that week’s tournament director. At Full Tilt Poker, contact PokerPlasm or at Poker Stars, contact CompletePokerRules.

The expletives and finger pointing started up after Street3 dropped out of last week’s event. His flopped trip jacks were no match for his opponent’s flopped straight and he let everyone know what he thought of that situation. Players and the TPT President attempted to calm him down, but a half liquored up Street3 was having none of it. That is when the threat occurred and security was called in to resolve the situation.

Speaking at a hastily convened 7:45pm EST news conference, Twitter Poker Tour Press Spokesperson, The_Gov, stated

Street3 is an exciting player and has a lot of potential on this tour. But in no way should an official, player, or bystander of the Twitter Poker Tour ever feel physically or emotionally threatened. His behavior is inexcusable and we have fined him the maximum amount at this time.

I will not be answering any questions from the press at this time. Thank you.

Street3 could not be reached for comment at this time.