PokerPlasm.com

[This is a story Grifter Jim has put together that lightly resembles his poker session a few nights ago.]

For those of you who missed the ESPN telecast, here is a transcript:

Mike: We’re back at Table 1, where Grifter Jim sat down a few minutes ago.

Bob: Grifter Jim is playing awfully aggressive tonight. He’s playing a lot of hands, making a lot of raises and trying to control what he perceives as weak opponents. He just won a small pot on a bluff and is just about even in chips.

Mike: That’s not Grifter Jim’s usual playing style. He doesn’t believe in bluffing to win small pots and he’s not big on controlling the table either. He likes to play weak opponents and just sit back and wait for the easy big pots.

Bob: Look at this! Grifter Jim has AK suited. He makes a pot sized raise. This is pot limit hold em by the way.

Mike: AAROCKETS calls with 55…Look at that flop! AA5! Grifter Jim is in big trouble. AARockets has position on him…and Grifter Jim bets the pot! He is in BIG trouble. AAROCKETS smooth calls…the turn is NO HELP for Grifter Jim. He needs an Ace or a King, or he is DONE! And he bets the pot AGAIN without hesitating!

Bob: Grifter Jim is blinded by his three aces, king kicker. He’s not even thinking about what AAROCKETS has, and he’s being greedy.

Mike: AAROCKETS smooth calls again.

Bob: There’s no point in slow playing, but that’s what these weaker internet players like to do.

Mike: Here comes the river…it’s a TWO! Grifter Jim is beat. A dream hand for AAROCKETS.

Bob: Grifter Jim bets the rest of his stack. He still thinks he has AAROCKETS beat.

Mike: AAROCKETS calls quickly. He proudly shows his full house!

Bob: Grifter Jim doesn’t bat an eye! I think he saw this coming in the back of his mind, he just couldn’t stop it.

Mike: He’s taking a BIG swig of Bud Light.

Bob: That might explain his aggressive play tonight.

Mike: Grifter Jim buys back in quickly.

Bob: He looks more upset at having to sit out a hand then over losing all that money.

[several minutes later]

Mike: Grifter Jim is still down tonight. He lost his first buy in and is down a bit from his re-buy.

Bob: Grifter Jim is still playing strong and fast, still playing a lot of hands.

Mike: He looks like he just wants to have fun tonight. His normal philosophy is to win money first, have fun second, but he’s taking a lot of unnecessary risks and making strong moves that are lost on weak players.

Bob: Here he is with 10-10. He makes another big raise before the flop. Two people call.

Mike: Look at ZBreeze calling with Jack-Five! You’ve gotta love the low limit tables!

Bob: There’s a Jack on the flop, no ten for Grifter Jim.

Mike: He bets the pot anyway! He wants that pot!

Bob: Grifter Jim is firing tonight! He doesn’t care if he has the best hand or not.

Mike: Player 3 folds, ZBreeze mulls it over and calls. He’s gotta think his top pair is vulnerable with that 5 kicker and Grifter Jim’s aggressive betting.

Bob: The turn does not help. Grifter Jim bets the pot again! ZBreeze calls again. Grifter Jim is in trouble and this time he knows it!

Mike: It’s not stopping him from betting though. And he’s on his third Bud Light since sitting down.

Bob: I think he had a few BEFORE he sat down.

Mike: The river is NO HELP! ZBreeze has the better hand with his pair of jacks.

Bob: Grifter Jim bets again! He’s all in!

Mike: ZBreeze thinks it over and calls.

Bob: That’s what calling stations do.

Mike: ZBreeze displays his Jack-Five, and doubles up with a pair of jacks, FIVE kicker!

Bob: Grifter Jim is busted again!

Mike: Grifter Jim looks very calm. He sips his Bud Light.

Bob: Oh! He just threw the bottle against the wall!

Mike: Grifter Jim is not happy folks!

Bob: He gets up…he knocks his chair over!

Mike: Now he’s kicking the cat! Look at this display of anger!

Bob: He never liked that cat anyway, it belongs to his roommate…

Mike: Grifter Jim has stormed out of the room…havoc has ensued here at table 1…

Bob: He’s coming back in, he’s got a baseball bat!

Mike: This is turning ugly!

Bob: He’s about to smash his computer with the bat!

Mike: He hauls back to swing…

Bob: He stopped himself, Mike.

Mike: Just in the nick of time, Grifter Jim’s senses kicked in, and he stopped himself from perhaps doing significant damage to his computer system.

Bob: He’s taking deep breaths, he put the bat down. I think he’s ok.

Mike: His bankroll took a big hit tonight. Grifter Jim is not happy.

Bob: He’s not happy with himself, Mike. He did not play like himself, and his bankroll paid the price.

Mike: This should be a lesson for you kids out there. Don’t drink and play.

Bob: Drinking’s ok. Poker’s ok. Drinking and poker together don’t mix.

Mike: Not online anyway.

Grifter Jim is a senior writer for PokerPlasm.com.